This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you think you have had a bad day at work...think of this guy.  Bob is a  commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

 

             LETTER FROM BOB, THE DIVER:

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass and it got all over my balls.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut, not to mention I had a very large and tender sack of balls and could'nt ride my Harley So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass. Now repeat to yourself,

"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

"SKY"

 

I was at Myrtle Beach Bike Week playing around with a lot of the brothers and doing the biker thing. I stopped in at a booth to look at some shit and this dude was having a cat fight with this wild chick and she was kicking his ass. Well the dust finally cleared he ask me "what the hell you want" in a shitty attitude voice, so I replied in just a shitty attitude, "a fucking wild woman like that to watch my old back, whatcha take for her".

One thing led to another nose to nose with this wannabe (don't think he knew he was nose to nose with a retired 1%er), he said "OK dude, whatcha got"  <<thinking>>  then, "how bout this Harley belt buckle and a cold 6 pack ass-hole"..............the bastard took me up on it.

Here I am walking back to my ride, holding my pants up with this mean looking Indian chick following me with a knap sack over her shoulder. I didn't know what the shit I was going to do now, it was the last day of bike week and I had Black Magic loaded and ready to head home. When we got to the bike I took out a 20 and handed it to her, "here lady I didn't mean to start a biker war between you and your Ol man, I just wasn't gonna back down from that ass-hole".

She replied, "you didn't back down, neither did he, you bought my ass now your stuck with it or are you just a wannabe, don't you know the rules?"

Now that made me think old times and she was right as a Jack Black Bud Back, I was stuck so she got on and we headed back for Georgia. I shit and now I had to cover it up, so my thoughts were to bring her back to my crib and take her to the club-house and see if I could trade her for something useful some of the brothers had laying around and maybe throw my bar tab in., I was plotting and planning all the way home.

Pulled in after 5 hrs on the road, put Black Magic in the shop and told the chick to pick a room, went in turned on TV, got into Jack & Coke and a BUD here and there, just kicking back, relaxing and in a FTW attitude. Went to sleep and slept until 2 PM next day, got up to go make coffee and got my mine all fucked up when I looked around.

My bachelor biker crib had been turned into a RUB house, everything was in place but re-arranged and clean as a 100 buck a night hotel room, in every room, even the shitter. I went looking for the little bitch, I couldn't find a damn thing, coffee, razor, matches, lighter, my boots & vest, I was pissed big time. I found her curled up on a bed in the back room and yelled at her, she opened her eyes and for the first time I noticed they were sky blue and she had long black hair, stunning lady, I called her "SKY".

I had thought about trading her off or using her for Gator-Bait for turning my pad into a place that looked like it needed a little white picket fence around the front yard with daisies all around. Staring down at her and <<<<thinking >>>>

Hmmmm???? maybe I should just kidnap her ass and after the brothers see what she did to my messy place, shit she would be worth her weight in gold, Hmmmmm????

Well "SKY" has been around for a while now and I still cant find a fucking thing I want in the house but know what? I'm gonna make her a "KEEPER" a LIL SISTER part of the family, not like a biker bitch, hell I'm 68 she's 26, my lil sis or adopted daughter, and if any of the brothers get out of line with her they answer to "POPPAJOHN", if she finds one she wants to hook up with I will check his ass out first.

Best deal I ever made for a belt buckle and a 6-pack, I set the "SKY" free, she is Cherokee and a free sprit and I respect that.

 She is one hell of a HOUSE MOUSE

 

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Their old bikes, worn out boots, leathers, old jeans and leathered faces,~ tells us all they have ridden far and seen many places.

You see them riding in small packs but many times alone,~ the loner is the one that knows the ropes and brotherhood to the bone.

The gray in their hair and the white in their beard,~ tells you right off they have been there and done that, nothing ever feared.

They have been there and done that and still very much alive,~ so give them respect and to be their friend you must strive.

They take care of their friends and always their own,~ they can teach you things about life and REAL you have never known.

They are quiet and at the bars mostly sit alone,~ because their old brothers and lifestyle are almost gone.

Like old brothers their lady's are loyal real and to them totally bound,~ if they were not they sure as hell wouldn't be around.

Many are vets from a place call Vietnam,~ where they fought a meaningless war for you and Uncle Sam.

Like the dinosaurs of old the old bikers will go down,~ and when the last one falls only those that know will hear the sound.

To all you young rider wannabes and prospects I give this toast,~ ride on brother for beside you rides an "Old Bikers" Ghost.

We ride down life's lonesome highway and just around the bend,~ stands the golden gates to glory right at it's end.

At these gates a hooded cloaked brother stands as their keeper,~ he's the last brother you meet "THE GRIM REAPER".

He waves you through his scythe held high,~ "welcome brother your lifestyle here will never die".

So to all you preppy wannabe's prospects and all that ride,~ find you an "Old Biker" and from him learn and by his teachings abide.

Some day down life's highway as you ride an "Old Biker" riding all alone,~ a cold breeze will hit you and chill you to the bone.

Glance over brother you may see me after I'm gone riding there,~ your guardian angel "Old Biker" grinning with the wind in my hair.

The "Old Biker" that taught you the real way,~ will ride beside you till your last day.

Ride on brothers the gates to glory are just ahead,~ all your brothers are here and your lifestyle here is not dead.

PoppaJohn

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